School is confusing...

For "fun" I try to figure out my class schedule for the rest of the classes I have remaining at this school. A few weeks ago I thought I had 90 units left to take, this week I thought I had 81, and today I KNOW that I only have 69 left. It's exciting and not at the same time. I mean, I kind of got fed up with school when Fresno City screwed me up... but I did not give up. Yet, I should know the basics of Photography by now... and, honestly, I am still so confused by it. I'm not going to step down though. I really just want to be done with school... I am tired and I need a break. And I know that getting a job wouldn't be a break, but it would be something different, something knew. I just want to be with the people I know and I love. Maybe no one in the world can understand that I can only perform to the best of my ability when I am comfortable and happy, and I am not here. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and I am excited to do it, and I can't wait to go somewhere with it. It's just hard for me when I am here in a dorm with roommates I don't exactly like, in a city I don't exactly like, afraid of going places alone... things like that. I don't care about friends. I try to talk to people, believe it or not... I try to make friends in my classes. It doesn't work though, and I do not care. I have friends at home that I talk to. I do wish Ryan were here though. I've been so blessed by the time that I have gotten to see him, and I just didn't want to have to see him less. I've only been here a week... Yeah, sure, it'll be a good experience for me... but I experienced enough of it last semester. An experience for one person can be totally different for another. You know... I know I have my flaws, I know I am not perfect and that I make mistakes... welcome to being human. It is my choice to make the best of it, to learn, to be the best person that I can be, and that is what I do. It's only been a week... it's going to be a long semester.

Yeah...

do you know what time it is??? Do you!?!?! 8:36! Okay, okay... I'll calm down. No complaining. That's what I said, it is. Moving on... today has been "productive." I woke up... at 4:15am, it's going to start again. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to go back to sleep, I was uncomfortable and hot. I tried, and then decided to look at my clock again... it was only 4:23am!!! I did go back to sleep and chose to sleep 30 minutes longer than I had originally planned (until 7:30am) because I didn't look at the clock when I actually woke up. I do have a night light with me this time, because I am afraid of the dark and the nightmares that I have. Anyway (I unplugged it) I got up, ate some food, and went to the gym. I have decided, unless I am going to swim, 9:15am Monday morning is not a good time to be at the gym because it's busy. I did get a treadmill and jogged 1.78 miles in 20 minutes today. It's an improvement, but I also wasn't at a 1.0 slope (which is my norm when I jog). I got back, took a shower, waited a while to get on the internet to do my online class because my roommate was on it, and then got on and worked through the first module and am now on the second. I haven't done the assignment for this week, but I have done the discussions, posted twice so far, took my quiz and got 100% (because they are that easy, and timeless through the module so I can start and stop and look and my notes and go to Disneyland in between).

P.S. Someone please confirm with me that 7-8 hours is the healthy amount of time that adults should sleep. Because if it's any different tell me now so I can adjust my sleeping schedule. If I, Elizabeth, went to bed at this moment I would get out of bed no later than 5am. If the healthy amount of sleep hours is longer, tell me. If it's shorter you can just keep it to yourself and I'll stick with the unhealthy amount of 7-8 hours.

P.P.S. That was not complaining. It's an indirect loophole.

P.P.P.S. Maybe I should give myself longer breaks with working on homework, but I want to get ahead.

This Semester

The semester starts tomorrow. I got here Wednesday to check-in and found that they hadn't received my check. So, although I was unable to get my keys, I was able to take my stuff to my room and drop it off. After that, Ryan had to get the stuff that he had left in his room and we headed to his sister's. He is living with her this semester, an hour away on BART plus a 20 minute drive. I know he's not going to miss me, he's a guy, but I am going to miss him. I already miss him... I have, and will, check my e-mail and instant messenger multiple times a day to see if he has sent me anything. I have and will hold onto my phone dearly if he ever calls. Unfortunately, he does not like talking on the phone... not even to me, and he doesn't always have the time to call or doesn't always feel like calling. TV is more important to him during his breaks from working. Guys use the excuse of being a guy for many things, but I think that also takes away from a guy being a gentleman. There is no good excuse for anything. I was going to leave Friday, but left Saturday because we were invited to a birthday party of some of Rebekah's (Ryan's sister) friends. The BART was an hour trip, then I walked to check-in. I got there before it was open, but only waited about 5 minutes and then 10 inside. I took a shuttle back to my dorm and got organized. Today I did more organizing and some grocery shopping. I also went out to dinner with my cousin Michel and her friend. It was nice hanging out with her. I have also decided that I am not going to complain this semester. Of course, I think I will allow loopholes to the point of bringing up last semester (a.k.a. comparing things to last semster). For example, the roommate that I bunk with still talks on the phone just as much and is just as annoying... and maybe worse. Okay, that's more complaining than comparing, but I had to say it. Now that it's out I can stick to not complaining... Anyway, something clicked in my brain tonight and I finally understand what some of my transfer credits meant. Thus, instead of having 90 units left at this school, I only have 81 more units to take. I'll figure it out sometime. I just want to be done with school, really. And I think that the sooner I am done, the better. Prices keep on going up and I already can't afford it.

Fun

Well, today my friend Jessica and I met up at Starbucks and talked for a while. After that we headed off to her house and made a cake. It was a fun day. Well, I suppose it was yesterday now, according to time. I also attempted to start crocheting again. Of course, I don't think I should start out with a beanie... but I am. The furthest I have gotten is.............. nowhere! I keep on starting over. It doesn't look right, I don't know how it's supposed to look, and I keep forgetting count (and it seems to be important). Maybe I am just too tired to do it right now. It has defeated me. Maybe I will conquer it tomorrow.

Things

Since I have been back in Clovis I have been sitting back and relaxing. Really, I don't mind being lazy because once I go back to San Francisco I will be walking everywhere again and I will be overloaded with homework. Oh, and I'll be stressed by that and by the stupid people of San Francisco... and the horrible smells, and so on. I went to Yosemite last week, Monterey over the weekend, I am going snowboarding Thursday... I can't do that in San Francisco. Someday, I hope to go to Golden Gate Park... like in the Spring. I want to go to Clear Lake too... in the Spring. Hopefully it works out. With looking at the amount of units I have left at AAU, I will be graduating in 2010. Of course, depending on how I want to do it, I can graduate in Spring, Summer, or Fall of 2010. I don't mind if all I get are C's. I should be done with college in May this year, and it's not my fault that I am not. I was willing to push myself and Fresno City messed it up, and then barely any of my classes transfered to AAU. Oh well, there's not much I can do. My final grades for last semester should be up today, and I stayed up until midnight, but they weren't up, and I have checked at least 5 times since and they still aren't up. Of course, typical AAU... never on time with anything. The school is actually pretty disappointing... to me, at least. That's not going to stop me from going, but it doesn't make things better. I think what I like the most is walking everywhere... but it's barely safe. I'm not a city girl, I don't want to live in cities. I like trees and grass and fresh air and seeing the sun and the moon and stars, and the list goes on. I just want to be done with school... but after I graduate I'll just be working on getting out of debt. I would get scholarships... but in order to not discriminate discrimination must happen. I mean, come on, I'm a white girl that lives in America... I must have money, it only makes sense that families like mine would have great paying jobs and my parents would have the money to pay for my tuition of more than $75000 (without any loans or Cal Grants, savings bonds, or any other help). I'm not trying to have a bad attitude, but after looking for scholarships for hours, days, months, and years, and after applying to them... it's very discouraging. It's not my fault that I am in the situation that I am in, but there are people that worse off than me... so they're more deserving than me... and they don't have to try or work their way to it. Sure, I have things that I don't need or deserve... but it's not like they just appeared, I had to work for it (and some things are made necessary). I could go on, but I think I need to stop here.