Scholarships...

You know, I've looked for scholarships for who knows how long. Hours and hours, and days throughout the years. I never wanted to write essays, so I didn't. I wasn't eligible for most of them anyway, or I didn't have the time. I could have done what a lot of people do by getting a job and going to school part time, possibly after taking a year off. I was too busy to have a job in high school though and I didn't want a job. I went to a community college in order to save money and to figure what I wanted to major in. I was focused on going to school, and getting decent grades as well. When I figured out what I wanted to do I had 2 choices of colleges: Brooks and AAU. When I told people what I wanted to do, people would always mention Brooks. Yeah, it's a good school, but I wanted to go somewhere different. Thus, I chose to go to AAU. I actually didn't have a lot of experience with a camera, and I actually still don't. I understand way less than is acceptable where I am at. I can learn fast and well if I have good teachers, but I can't recall having any. Up until this semester I was only focused on going to school and getting decent grades. Except, my GPA fell under a 3.0, and chances of it ever going back up are extremely low. So now it is really time for me to be serious, hoping to get at least Cs in my classes. A C- at AAU is not considered passing. Instead of focusing on my grades I have to focus on learning. Honestly, I am just fed up and tired with school. I want to be done, but the time just keeps on getting longer and longer. And now, with that, the prices are getting even more expensive. In all of the time I have searched and applied for scholarships, I have received none. Maybe it was missing deadlines, maybe I wasn't eligible, maybe I didn't want to write an essay (partially because I knew nothing of the subject, partially because I didn't want to do research, partially because I had "better" things to do). I've tried and tried again, and I am not done. I am going to go to school and I will graduate with my BA in Photography. You know, maybe I know nothing, maybe I've gone to school for the wrong reasons... but I have come this far and I am not going to quit. The truth is, although I might not understand photography, and although I am barely good at it and don't have much of a creative imagination... I do like photography. I think it's beautiful, I enjoy taking pictures, and it's in my heart to do it for the rest of my life. I'm not stupid, and maybe I it takes me a little bit of time to understand things, but I am willing and ready to learn. I have gotten myself this far, haven't I? If people don't understand that I am tired of school and I am losing excitement in it, fine. Do what you need to do. It doesn't mean that I have lost excitement in what I enjoy doing, photography. School is school, it's the same field and it's a different field. Well, I am done... I can go on, and if it doesn't make sense, it would if I kept writing. It doesn't matter, though, because I understand it.